Sunday, December 15, 2013

Don't Be Looking For My Dyson

You won't find it in my coat closet anymore..

Since today is Sunday, what with it being a day of spiritual reflection and all, I've decided that I should probably come clean about something. So to speak.....

Over the last six weeks or so, I've done a fair amount of blabbing about how far I've come in my ability to ask for and accept help. I've put up blog posts and pictures of my friends helping me to clean and organize around the house, and I sat on my big old duff while others dusted around me (Seriously. I did.) and scrubbed my floors and made beds. And as a result of all that activity by others and in spite of my IN-activity, we've had several impressive and delightful Thanksgiving and holiday parties at my house.

I am sincerely grateful to everyone for this, really I am.

But I have to be honest. I am never going to celebrate the holidays this way ever again. Because if I have to ask my friends and family to provide slave labor just so that I can have a good time......I've decided that the price is just too high to justify.

I know. I know. I SAID that I was learning to accept the fact that I need help and that unless something changes drastically with my health, that in order to throw holiday bashes with tons of food and the house filled to overflowing with family and friends, I just simply can't do everything anymore.

I did say that repeatedly. And at the first pantry-cleaning incident, I really truly was OK with accepting help. But as the weeks went by and the help began to include things like scrubbing my floors and cleaning my bathrooms......I began to get pretty uncomfortable with the whole concept.

I think somewhere around the time that my friend's husband spend a couple hours vacuuming was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Let me say here that my friends and family really did not mind doing all these chores and told me so repeatedly. The tasks were completed with lots of good natured laughing and joshing around.

But I minded more than I would ever have thought and I resolved that even though I was incredibly grateful for everyone's efforts.......that this just simply couldn't be an ongoing event here at my house, "this" meaning cracking the whip over my loved ones in order that some of my pre-conceived notions of holiday celebrations could come to reality. At least not to this extent. Sigh. I'm a ridiculously stubborn person sometimes. Something just has to give.

We're going to kick back and just relax for Christmas. We'll still have fun and family, but gee. We're going to be using paper plates. And I'm going to actually BUY some of the treats that I usually make, or even forgo some of them altogether. I'm going to become re-acquinted with the housecleaning company that I used to employ.

And I'm hiding the vacuum cleaner from my guests.


Anita Rowe Stafford said...

Julia, I have had such a hard time with this also. I didn't want to change traditions because of my health, but my Wonder Woman card had to be turned in. I do grieve for this loss, and I'm not sure that others understand. Thanks for helping all of us who are trying to live with Sjogren's.

Shara from Seattle said...

I hear you and have been there. I remember a ton of people cleaning the house for me when I had my hysterectomy. The last straw was because Sams boyfriend picked up My Fangs laundry and that just set a really weird tone. This house was built to entertain a bunch of people and we did for a long while. Now, after Thanksgiving, I want to go someplace else. Christmas will be at my sons. I'm not even in the mood for a tree. Food treats will be ordered through a catalogue or picked up at the deli. It sucks being an ex A type person but I had a job delegating long before I got into this mess, I can still use that ability here with Sandra. Our house would be lost without her. Care giver, errand runner, house cleaner, gardener and driver. When my brain isn't working, hers is. When her brain doesn't work either, we laugh our asses off. I'm sorry Julia. It feels like how you feel when the kids leave home. We are the kind of people that give a shit. When Martha Stewart got on TV our family cried, " Mom you are just like her. You should have started a show!" When they saw survivor, "Mom could win that show" When we walked down halls of business we were pulled into doors and asked for our opinion. Now, its really hard because we don't have anything to hang our hat on but, I got 4 hours of good sleep and I didn't pee myself or the bed. Yeah! Good luck and God bless, Shara

mcspires said...

I am struggling with this really bad, was even in tears this weekend. I am still working, 6 hours a day, and am making so many mistakes. Then at home it is the same. Ruined an expensive ham, made huge error on scheduling airfare for my son to come home for Thanksgiving (VERY espensive mistake.) I feel like I am not me anymore. I NEED the help, but have such a hard time accepting it. It makes me feel "less" and I already feel so much less that it is pretty hard to face. I have Sjogren's and Trigeminal Neuralgia, and the brain fog from the disease on top of the drugs is getting scary. It does help to hear of others that also need to accept help.

stephanie said...

Julia, this is one of those rare areas where I have pretty much succeeded in 2013, and now am mostly OK with it. An example: when having company over for dinner my husband grills meat, I buy a bag of fancy lettuce with fixings at Costco, and we buy a loaf of bread. Maybe ice cream or another Costco dessert. At first I hated it because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to cook, but like I said, this past year I have reconciled the issue in my mind.
We even had a few big backyard BBQs in the summer where once again my husband (and his friends) worked the grill, and I made it a potluck so everyone brought something and it was a success. Mostly people just want to be together and have a lovely time chatting it up, and it's NOT about the food, or even how spotless your house is!
PS: I also did most of my Christmas shopping online, which seemed kind of like a scrooge move, but in the end, I still felt GREAT after I was done shopping!

ShEiLa said...

I have had my daughter visiting from Indiana since November 17th... Her hubby came on the 23rd... Their first baby was born on the 25th and due to the adoption legalities they won't fly back home until December 28th.

Being a hostess with the mostest... Easier said than done. It is hard accepting my limitations. Excusing myself for bed early... Needing naps. But I am very blessed to have them here.

I think you are marvelous Miss Julia... Merry 'kick back' Christmas!!!!!!

ShEiLa said...

Daughter #2 due the end of January.