Wednesday, December 2, 2015

No. One. Tells. Me. To. Leave.

If you buy one of these, found on Walgreens here, I hope it lasts longer than mine did. 

Well. With my total knee surgery only a week away, and after my final pre-op appointment with my surgeon, I decided to do a small bit of Christmas shopping yesterday.

I'm guessing that I won't feel like doing a lot of shopping at the mall after surgery and before Christmas.

So I hobbled into Macy's with my cane. Three purchases later, as I was looking for the furniture department so I could stretch out on a recliner to take a load off my knee evaluate the structural integrity and comfort of Macy's upholstered furniture, I stumbled. What the heck?!, I thought. Turns out my footed cane had just thrown off it's foot. I sat down and began puzzling out a way to reattach it. As I was about to toss the stupid thing across the room in frustration, a young woman sat down on the coordinating couch (with the recliner that I had plopped my duff into) and asked if she could help. As we sat with our heads together over the cane she told me that she was an assistant manger of the store. After a few minutes during which it became obvious that my cane was beyond repair, she sat up and snapped her fingers.

"I have an idea. We have a lost and found. Maybe there's a cane in there!", she enthused, and scampered off. She returned a few minutes later and sadly shared that there were no canes to be found. It was obvious that my cane wasn't fixable, and no substitute, AND this mall did not have a store that sold them. Rats. It appeared that my little shopping trip was over.


I really liked this little gal. But not so much when she assumed her manager-type persona and said, "OK. Well, I'm really concerned about the possibility of you falling if you continue shopping here. So here's what I want you to do: the elevator is right over there. (she pointed her perfectly manicured finger) and I want to make sure you use it. I don't want to see you on that escalator, it's far too dangerous without your cane. (Here she playfully waggled that manicured finger. Oh, brother.) Can I help you out to your car?"

Wait. Did this little snot just inform me that I was done shopping? That I had to get out of her store?! That I wasn't capable of making that assessment and decision myself?!?!!

I sat up straight and asked Miss BossyPants if she would be so kind as to throw the pieces of my cane in the nearest garbage. She accepted my dumb stupid cane with a smile and told me that she would be right back to help me out.

Once she walked around the corner to find a garbage container, I did a little a little scampering of my own in the completely opposite direction of my would-be caretaker. Hmph. I hustled myself out of Macy's and into the mall corridor before she could snag me and drag me off to my car.

She was probably right in thinking that it would have been best if I didn't try to do much more walking without my cane or my brace, but honestly. I simply won't be bossed around by someone half my age.  And hour later, bags in hand from three other stores, I limped my sweaty and exhausted self as quickly as I could through Macy's heading to the car; hoping to escape Miss Manager-Who-Kicks-Sweet-Old-Caneless-Shoppers-Out-Of-Her-Store. Bet that was not a pleasant sight.

I took the escalator. So there.

I groaned in pain when I headed into my house. Now I'm camped out in bed watching old PBS programs with an ice pack on my throbbing knee.

And it's all her fault.


Gertrude said...

You are so funny! Attitude check... I am scared to come visit now.

Kim said...

Go Girl!!! I am right there with you!!!

Orb Weaver said...

...Mom, does your daughter need to drive down and have words with this little snot? absolutely unacceptable.

Seriously, telling you to LEAVE THE STORE? Ridiculous!

Anonymous said...

Only you. dh

Anonymous said...

Hi, I pray that you are healing well from your surgery...but I had a cane malfunction (my base stopper mysteriously disappeared?!?! And I couldn't walk without slipping on tiled floors and risking life/limb--this left me soooo grateful that I have to travel on outings using BOTH MY WALKER & MY CANE (even when people stare or question my madness (but there is a method ��).But even more interesting, JUST LAST NIGHT I had a dream that I was at a wedding and for some reason (in the dream) someone took my cane & I couldn't get to the ceremony and when i hobbled across the vast estate, I had missed the ENTIRE wedding!?!?!...IT WAS DOUBLY HORRIBLE--I missed everything accept the couple recessing and was in extreme pain and exhausted and drenched in in sweat!! Glad it was a dream, but on Wed.(IN THE REAL WORLD) I had to go to doctor's appointment and couldn't find my cane in my OWN HOME (I ALWAYS PLACE IT BY BED or DOOR, BECAUSE AT HOME I am in familiar surroundings (and not in the hustle and bustle of a mall, let alone at Chriatmastome) and use my furniture and chairs for balance assistance and is very different from walking from my home to the car or from the car across a long parking lot when all handicap placard permit parking spaces are full;after 30 minutes, God said, "That's why I provided you with the walker." (And he revealed that the cane was actually collapsed and hanging/blending with the walker's black medal colored frame--REALLY, COME ON!! But had to laugh (because the tears wanted to come, but Sjogrens 'fake tears' cause a myriad of issues that I just didn't have time for--I was already 30 minutes late gettubg to Hopkins. At least you had someone even slightly show concern even if it was for litigious reasons! Sorry about that darn cane and the pain/swelling, but I'm sure your sacrifice to still procure the holiday gifts was balanced by the smiling and appreciative 'Thank You's and hugs! I'm sure yoi got a better model (cane) now. Have GREAT NEW YEAR! (Meee 010816)