Saturday, August 4, 2012

Getting to Know You


Candy the cane and I are continuing to explore our new relationship, and I'm finding this adjustment a bit more difficult than I had anticipated. Not because she isn't a very functional companion; she's very helpful. And I do enjoy the whole walk-without-pain-and-limping thing. I really do. 

But I find that her attitude is a bit disconcerting. 

I'm used to my other um.....unusual.....friends.....that have personalities which are each uniquely delightful. Goldie reminds me of a mechanical puppy. She's always so happy to see me. She takes me wherever I want to go. And as long as she has gas in her tank and me behind the wheel, she's one happy little car. 

Then there's Pinky, and Pinky is Pinky. Yes, he has a rather large ego, but who can blame him after starring in an award winning Christmas light show? Stardom does take it's toll. But in spite of an inflated sense of self-worth, Pinky is lovable in his own way.

Ego? What ego?

Ed 'n Al, my crow buddies talk incessantly, which is great. I love hearing all about EVERYTHING. They are a bit flighty, but then they are birds...

Girl. You haven't even begun to hear the whole story...

So when I met Candy the cane, I entered into our relationship fully expecting to enjoy every minute. Yes, I did. 

But I have to say that she's not as consistently delightful as are my other non-breathing buddies. No. She's not. 

For example. 

After our first day together, Candy informed me rather loftily that she wasn't happy with the appearance that I had chosen for her. It went something like this:

"Girl. We need to talk."

Me? Are you talking to me? A cane is talking to ME?


Um. Ok......

"I distinctly remembering you commenting that my plain Jane cane days were numbered. And here I am, still with my UPC sticker intact, my body BARE, and no embellishment anywhere in sight. It's humiliating."

Oh. I did promise some bling, didn't I? Gee. I didn't realize you were listening. 

"Yes. Yes, you did. At exactly 1:30pm on Friday afternoon. And of course I was listening."


"So. Get ON it, here, woman."

My goodness. 

We immediately hopped into Goldie and zoomed over to the craft store. I threw Candy into the cart and we leisurely rolled our way through the store. Ignoring the incredulous stares from the other shoppers, Candy and I began to discuss various accoutrements. 

 Flowers! How about I wind some silk flowers around you?

"Absolutely not. Bright pink ranniculus? You must be kidding. Too overstated. And silky flowery. My, my, my. I can see that we have some work ahead of us here in regards to your sense of style, now don't we?......hmmmm.....I really do enjoy the effect of this lovely glittery mesh..."

Um. Candy? I think that all those sparkles would probably fall off all over my clothing. Probably won't work. In my humble opinion....

"Sniff. WELL. Don't mind ME. I'M just the one that's making your life PAIN FREE. MY input here has no significance WHATSOEVER." Sulk.

Ah, that point I realized that I had a diva cane on my hands. Who knew that a cane could have a 'tude?

Hey! What if I painted something cool on you?

"Yeah, well. I've heard about your artistic skills, and I'm hesitant to allow you and a brush and paint anywhere in my general vicinity. "

Hey! Who's been dissing my artistic skills?!

"And if you even consider for one moment hanging something that requires BATTERIES on me? I am SO GONE."


I was become tired and frustrated. My cane negotiating skills were being tested to the limits here, and I didn't even know that I had cane negotiating skills... We rolled into the scrapbooking section of the store, and Candy perked up considerably.

"Now. THERE'S a few flowers that I would consider."

Stick-on paper flowers? Cheap? And easily changed?


Candy, dahlink. You look maaaahhhhhhvelous.

"I'll bet you say that to all of the canes."

Does this make me look fat? 



Anonymous said...

Wow ! I love how you have work on this cane. If I ever have to use one, I swear I take the same as Dr House, the one with fire on it !

Anonymous said...

he he he he

Anonymous said...

p.s. You are the best!!! Your post is the first thing I read every morning.

annie said...

Julia, thank you for a good laugh first thing this morning.Loave candy's new look.

Anita Rowe Stafford said...

Love your embellishment and you sharing your cane trials. I have been so scared of "the cane". The neurologist offered me one a few months ago, but I politely declined then.

ShEiLa said...

luv.luv.luv it Miss Candy!