Tuesday, October 15, 2013

No One Saw a Thing

Are these two beauties perfect, or what? 

Please tell me that I am not the only one who has resorted to this:

I decided to do a little shopping yesterday, and after breakfast headed out wearing a sweatshirt. After strolling around a few stores and scoring some excellent turkey-shaped salt and pepper shakers for our Thanksgiving bash, I realized that I had probably over-estimated my energy for the morning. I began to sweat profusely and realized that I needed to do a couple of things in order for me to safely drive myself home. First, I needed a place to just sit down. Secondly, I needed a more light-weight shirt than a heavy sweatshirt or I would progress from feeling hot and slimy to being sweaty and stupid. Stupid is not a good frame of mind when one is navigating Portland traffic.

So I wheeled my cart and my fabulous salt and pepper shakers over to the cheapo furniture area and plunked down on an ottoman while I continued to perspire and thought about what to do next.

Hm. I spotted a clearance rack of t-shirts....I could just barely make out the price and sizes from my perch on a leather ottoman.....thank goodness I can see better these days. I reckoned that $4.99 for a plus sized shirt in a not terrible color was a pretty good deal, so after a few minutes I headed to the checkstand via the clearance rack, snagged a shirt, checked out and was back in my car within a few minutes.

I thought perhaps that once outside I would cool off, but the sun had appeared and it felt as though the temps were close to seventy degrees there in the parking lot. I got into my SUV where it must have been at least 90.

I just don't tolerate extremes in temperatures. As I continued to feel hot my sweatshirt soaked with, well....sweat..... and I began to feel nauseous, I decided that the situation required prompt action. After glancing around to make certain that nobody was near my car, I pulled off my sweatshirt and threw on the new t-shirt right there. The windows of our SUV are tinted, but gee whiz. I am sure that anyone walking within 20 feet or so could clearly see this plus sized lady stripping in the front seat.

I prefer to think that no one did. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Immediately after I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and was sitting there for just a microsecond in nothing but my bra (Well of course I was also wearing pants and shoes. Honestly, people..) I felt better. Cooler. More like myself.


I dove into the t-shirt with tags still attached which by now felt blissfully cool and comfy. After gulping down half of a bottle of water and resting for a few minutes, my nausea abated and I started the car and headed back home.

I think I need to start wearing layers. Or throwing extra clothing into the car. I have a feeling that if John needed to bail me out of jail for public nakedness I'd never hear the end of it...


Anonymous said...

Guilty! Bobbie :)

Laura said...

Yikes. Does sound like possibly a time for layers - or to get John to put curtains on the cars that you can draw. But seriously, with layers you could have fixed it while still in the store, even.

Brigid said...

I've noticed myself that my heat tolerance, never very good, has gone to nothing! I think i don't sweat at all any more.

LM said...

I love that story. Cracked me up :)
I'll keep it in mind for future reference.
I've not had to go that far just yet, but I've left things in my cart to go to the car and turn the A/C up full blast and try to cool down.

Christina said...

Great story! I do not tolerate heat as I dont sweat anymore. I learned to dress in layers because I had too many days like you described. Lol I thought at first I was in early menopause!

Amy Junod said...

This happened to me when David and I were in San Fran. It always surprises me how quick my tank empties.
We had taken a bus tour to Sausalito. I went from freezing while crossing the Golden Gate Bridge to feeling like I was in an inferno.
I ran into the closest tshirt shop, bought the first light weight shirt I could find and changed at the local Starbucks.
The "XL" it claimed to be most have been for squirrels because it was WAY too tight and well, revealing. My boobs have never been so extenuated. I mean- heads turned when I walked out of that restroom.
I didn't care. If being uncomfortable in one manner meant that I was comfortable in another- SO BE IT!

Gill said...

Next time you go to the car park, have a look around for security cameras. You never know, you might be on one of those television programmes where they show camera footage....

Shara from Seattle said...

I have silk undershirts and since last week, silk long johns, for wicking sweat and core temp control under a long sleeved cotton T shirt with a sweat shirt over that.

I had just read an item about auto immune disease and how just trying to adjust 10 degrees is enough stress on our systems that it could triggers flares. Ten Degrees!

As far as changing clothes in the car? I've driven topless during rush hour through Bellevue ( zero miles an hour).

I've given the shirt right off my back to someone in need.

This is the golden rule of public nakedness. These people aren't coming home with me, I don't know them and they don't know me.

Besides silly, you were in Portland. Nobody would have blinked an eye. Drive to Eugene and the gals made it a law to be able to go topless just like men.

Nurses! You can ask us to strip down but who knew they could feel self conscious?

They are just bodies people. I wonder if I feel this way because I've gone to so many doctors my whole life? Hmm.

annie said...

I'm like Amy....I'm freezing and then I'm suddenly overheating and while the rest of me doesn't perspire,my face and head feel like I've just soaked them in water.Along with feeling horrible,I also feel weak and shaky.Why does drinking water make us feel better? Are we dehydrated at this time?

AnnaDe said...

Yup, been there, done that! I'm in Vancouver, Washington just over the river from Portland and the weather can change in a jiffy. Since moving here just over a year ago, I always wear layers. And only sweatshirts with zippers.