Monday, December 17, 2012

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

One of my biggest energy savers of all: ONLINE SHOPPING with FREE SHIPPING and GREAT SALES. Oh, and daughters? In the event that you read this? Look into my eyes: *flash* You didn't see the Zappos box. It was never there. Nuh uh. 

I really, REALLY don't want to count my chickens before they're hatched.....or should I say count my rituximab mice before they've finished running their maze.....but I'm hanging in there this holiday season. By hanging in there, I mean that I haven't had a major crash and burn. I haven't missed one holiday event that I wanted to attend. I haven't needed a daily nap, in spite of having several small projects on my to-do list every day.

I HAVE tried to be like the tortoise and move through this holiday season in a slow and steady pace. I have been careful and stingy with my energy reserves. I have had some migraines, but they have been successfully controlled with imitrex. I have successfully finished all of my gift shopping. I have rolled out divinity, fudge, cranberry/white chocolate bark, homemade caramels, and a monster fruitcake from my very own kitchen.

Gosh. I haven't enjoyed December this much in years.

The hardest thing for me in all this is to try to keep the governor on the ol' Julia engine. Meaning that like an engine that is mechanically limited as to how fast it can make a car go, I've set some limits as to how fast or furious I can go. And this is a difficult thing. Even though I'm loving having some energy, it's a bittersweet feeling. Greedy soul that I am, I want MORE. I want so much zip that I will feel like the person that I was ten or fifteen years ago. Even with my reduced fatigue levels, I still haven't come close to approaching my previous energy levels, especially around the holidays. Although I'm chugging along slow and steady this month, I can't say that I could characterize myself as even being close to zipping. Anywhere.

So a reality check is greatly needed if I am to continue this very positive experience. It's important that I recognize that the ability to maintain slow and steady is a real gift. There have been holidays in the recent past that went by in a blur simply because I threw caution to the wind and overstepped my limits big time, and so slept most of them away. Or was so dazed and brain-fogged that I couldn't participate. I should embrace this wonderful methodical plodding pace that has provided me with so much this year.

I think I need to include this plea in my nighttime prayers: Lord, keep me realistic. Keep me on target for managing my energy. Keep me sane. And most importantly -- please keep my Bratty Inner Child Julia locked up in a closet somewhere until after January 1st.

I think BICJ is on Santa's naughty list, anyway....

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