Sunday, March 4, 2012

Just Answer The Questions, Julia

Last night over dinner, Terese handed me this interesting plastic bag.

I looked blankly at her and said something unintelligible, because as usual I had nothing intelligent to say.

She smiled brightly. "It's a project for YOU!"

What the heck?!

"Well, (insert name of a guy that we both know) gave me these and actually grows tobacco and ROLLS his OWN CIGARS!"

I still had nothing intelligent to say, so I sat there and just looked at her.

She sighed with exasperation. "I thought that since you have a greenhouse, you could start these seeds and grow the plants!!"

Well......yes......I suppose I could. The thought briefly crossed my mind that even though I could -- the question actually was if I WOULD.

But since I had just finished a very nice white wine spritzer and a delicious cheese fondue, I was in an uber mellow mood. And was still giggling after Terese had led me on a walk around the restaurant to gawk at a gentleman who was wearing a very white shirt, upon which was a very large food goober. Or a Julia, as is now known around these parts.

I feel so much better about myself when I see others who have far worse goober issues than mine. Is this wrong?

So somehow...........I ended up with this plastic bag in hand the next morning wondering what I had just agreed to do. I supposed that I needed to ask myself -- and Google -- some questions before I proceeded to do anything at all with this plastic bag and it's contents.

First question: Are these actually tobacco seeds? And not seeds from another home-grown plant that would get me into serious trouble with local authorities?

No. No, they're not from the cannabis plant family.

Second question: So if these are actually legitimate tobacco seeds, is it legal in this state to grow tobacco and make your own cigars for your own personal use?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Third question: Do I really want to undertake a lengthy and time-consuming project which may or may not reap any end product whatsoever?

Hm. Maybe not.......or, on the other hand.....maybe so. It's not as if my social and work calendar is packed chock full. And as I recall, my home made soap hobby has been lengthy and time-consuming and far more expensive, yet I have enjoyed it immensely. (I haven't purchased a bar of soap in eighteen months. Yeah!)

Fourth question: What Julia personality characteristics did Terese identify as those that would support a tobacco - growing - and - cigar - creating hobby?

No clue. None whatsoever. Nada.

Fifth question: So does the fact that I'm looking around in my potting shed for peat pots to germinate these things and have read page after page in the internet about how to grow tobacco and harvest tobacco and dry tobacco and then begin the complicated steps to turn the leaves into actual, hand-rolled cigars indicate that I've bought in to the concept of this very um...unique hobby? At least for one growing season? 


Sixth question: If by a small miracle, I am able to turn these tiny black seeds into a real-life cigar or two, what the heck am I going to do with them? It's not as though Terese and I have developed a stogie-smoking habit. Or a smoking-anything habit.

I don't know.

Seventh question: Is my life weird, or what?

Yes. Yes, it is. Definitely. (Can't you just see T and I swagger into a local saloon, order up a couple of shots of gut-shot whiskey, light up a couple of monster home made cigars, and begin to puff away blowing enormous stinky smoke rings? That, people, is SERIOUS weirdness.)

Eighth question: Am I imagining this or did it really happen?

It happened. The bag with the seeds is sitting plain as day on your computer.

Ninth question: Who needs to write fiction when actuality is so much more interesting?

Ahhh. Nobody could dream this stuff up. Life is so good.....


Anita Rowe Stafford said...

That's pretty far out - give it a try! I'm growing a lemon tree in Arkansas, it's been in my kitchen all winter. I like to think that being interested in new things will help keep the foggy old brain from completely turning to mush!

ShEiLa said...

Well... not sure what to think. Life is much more interesting for real... interesting project from your friend for sure... maybe she wanted to inspire a great blog post.


cargillwitch said...

I work for a First Nations organization so we grow tobacco to use in ceremonies each year in our community garden. It was a first for me 12 years ago! It likes a very sandy dry area, other than that it looks at first somewhat like mullein.
Always good to try new plants each year- expand the repertoire.

Jenny P said...

I know of some eastern compadres who appreciate legal tobacco products...LOL.

Post pics of the different stages!!

Kelly said...

From Wikipedia: Many species of Nicotiana are also grown as ornamental plants.

I think you could grow it for the beautiful flowers and not the smelly cigars and when everyone asks what kind of plants they are be sure to use that latin name and pronounce it with conviction and they will never know they could smoke it!