Saturday, January 22, 2011

My Spectacles are a Spectacle

Groovy glasses found here

On my last visit to the opthamologist, my doctor finished my exam, stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest while asking, "Girl. How can you see ANYTHING with those glasses of yours?"

Turns out that in just one year, everything that could possibly be changed in my glasses prescription had changed. No wonder I've......well, let's just say that explains a lot.

So this week I'm on a mission to pick out a new pair of glasses, and to be honest? I'd rather take a beating. To quote my friend Bev.

This shouldn't be so hard, really. You go into the store. You hand over the prescription. You take a few minutes to choose frames. You look into the stupid grey triangle box measuring thingie. You pay the money. Bing ba da bing. Done.

But it's just not that simple for me. To begin with, I'm a real victim of analysis paralysis especially when a decision involves some kind of scrutiny of my body. Choosing new glasses requires one to stand in front of a mirror and stare at one's face for an extended length of time. And then make a decision that one has to live with until one is willing to fork out megabucks for another set of glasses. (With ultra-thin polycarbonate scratch coat-ed and tri-focal, lenses, please.)

Yeah. I'm not really wild about that exercise.

I have a square and chubby face, especially after the effects of the whole Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's calorie trifecta this year, yikes. AND then there's my stupid parotids that have the tendency to inflate and deflate whenever they feel like it. Of course, right now they have achieved impressive inflation. You think I'm kidding?

I told you so.

This, class, is a textbook presentation of an enlarged parotid salivary gland. *Julia looks intimidatingly over the top of her very ugly glasses* Pay attention, class! There WILL be a quiz. Note the area of enlargement directly in front of the ear, almost obstructing the lower ear lobe.


There is not one pair of glasses on this whole stinkin' planet that would look good on this noggin, and I know it.

So this time around, I've got a plan. I'm going to enlist my friend Susan, who has an unerring sense of fashion and the courage to tell me the truth. Some evening this week, we're going to tackle Binyon's together. We're going to fearlessly march in there arm-in-arm, try on every frame in the store, and I'm not even going to open my eyes until it's time to write out the check.

Now that's a true trusting friendship. Or something.

Then we're going straight home to the Bearded Dog Pub for a mango margarita or two.


Anonymous said...

Choosing a new glasses is a big deal, after all you will wear them every day, all day long ! Don't worry, your not th eonly for who it's difficult.

annie said...

I come to sjogren's via chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and I'm astounded by all the problems sjoggies have to deal with. I'm lucky no problem with the parotids yet, and no eye plugs, so I count myself very lucky so far.

Where I live, we have a cold and damp winter, and I am noticing this year that whenever I've been outdoors, I come in with dry puffy and red eyes. Any suggestions if I should be using something over my eyeglasses for the outside, or warm/cold water when I come indoors to soothe the eyes? Using my eye drops doesn't seem to help much.

Unknown said...

I see your eargland is swollen what comes often by sjögren. My doctor says first trying lemonjuice and than better as concentrate in a glass with water, but not swallow. And better not eating a part of the lemon. I have trying once and my bowels where reaction very bad.

And later one you need maybe antibiotica.

Julia Oleinik said...

HI Annie - My eye doctor recommends wearing UV protecting sunglasses when I'm outside, and to soothe the eyes when I'm feeling particularly uncomfortable: take a warm clean washcloth and apply as a compress over the eyes. There are prescription eye drops such as steroid-based drops, and Restasis drops which may help also.

Thanks for visiting, Dutchchatter! Yes, I'll watch closely to see if my parotids become infected and need antibiotics. Thanks for the tip.

Julia Oleinik said...

Hi Jazzcat!

How do you find a stylish pair of glasses?

Anonymous said...

My recommendation...

Frameless-they don't show as much, and they have nosepieces, which keep them from slipping as much!

stephanie said...

Hi Julia. My glands have not been that swollen yet, but when they're sore, I put a warm (or hot) damp cloth on the glands, as I do over my eyes in the morning and the evenings, to keep the eye juices flowing.
As far as glasses go, I was so traumatized 4 years ago when I got SS, that I had to wear glasses after 20 years of contacts. Over the last 4 years, after trying thin wire frame and frameless, trying to hide the fact that I had glasses, I finally realized that was futile, as I either looked look an old granny or just plain old fashioned. Either way, you can still tell that I HAVE GLASSES ON. So I decided to wear glasses that are stylish and stand out, as, if people know I'm wearing glasses, I might as well wear the glasses with style, even if they stand out (like your photo; think The Closer and her glasses). I feel much better wearing stylish (and obvious glasses) than wearing wire glasses that you THINK cannot be seen, but obviously can!

Vincent Davis said...

I've never experienced that inflation, Julia. I wear my frameless glasses every day, and never did this happen. I also got these glasses from a friend who personally picked it out. She said it fit my style. :)