Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mom on Adrenaline

Yesterday over our morning coffee, John asked what my plans were for the day, and I nonchalantly replied that I had no plans for anything whatsoever. And, I didn't. So I went about my usual routine - a bit of housecleaning, a bit of exercise, a bit of time on the computer. By early afternoon, I decided that I needed a bit of a nap, which turned into a full-blown two hour snooze.

Then the phone rang.


It's amazing, isn't a mother can tell by one single word that her child isn't happy? I snapped out of the middle-of-a-nap grogginess immediately. My mom radar went on high alert.

What's wrong, sweetheart?

A brief conversation reassured me - my daughter's concerns were not life threatening. Her limbs were all attached and intact, her two siblings were fine, she still was employed, had a nice place to live, and her car was safely parked in the garage. 


She wasn't happy and needed her mom.

I had an overnight bag packed and Goldie, my little car, full of gas within minutes. Goldie and I were barreling up the freeway towards my girl in no time. I had my bluetooth wireless headset in place and my cell phone fully charged, a full 200 mg. of Provigil ingested, and a super duper extra large mug of coffee in hand. Nothing, but nothing, had better get in the way between me and a child of mine in need, by golly.

Three hours later, I had my arms around my baby girl. Who actually is a very independent and mature 24 year old young lady, but still my baby.

I drove home later enjoying that wonderful sensation of having hugged my kid after dinner and a great conversation, and both of us knowing that actually everything is fine and life is good. Mom mission accomplished. Ahhhh.

I know that I'll need to take a couple of days to re-charge my energy batteries after my adventure, but of course any time spent carrying out Mommy duties is the most important possible way to spend my energy. Who cares how long it takes for me to recharge?

It's amazing what this old body can muster up when I feel that my family needs me. That adrenaline and flight-or-fight response kicks in big time. I wish I could conjure up that response reliably in other situations, but I know from seven years of autoimmune fatigue that my adrenaline rush isn't something that I can control. It's also something that I can't sustain for any length of time, either. There's only so much that stress hormones, provigil, and caffeine can do before the reality of autoimmune disease asserts itself. I've finally come to some acceptance of that.

Ah, well, so now I'll rest. It is what it is. Zzzzzzzzzzz..

Image found here.

1 comment:

annie said...

Do you ever experience adrenaline rush with severe fatigue, both at the same time? I'm still trying to figure out if it's sjogren's, or different things happening at once. As usual, docs can't tell me anything! Glad everyone and everything is well.