Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Inner Child Care

picture by vancity197

I am told that everyone has an inner child, and this child represents that side of themselves which is playful, creative, uninhibited, and innocent.  

I want one of those. My inner child is a brat. For example:

Me: OK. I know that eating lots of sugar and fat will only make life more difficult for me, so I am going to push this shopping cart right past the giant M&M cookies in the bakery.

Inner Child Me: Grabs a dozen cookies and runs to the checkout. Chomps one cookie before they are paid for. Greets cashier with a mouthful of crumbs. 

Me: Time to get up, Julia. 

Inner Child Me: "No way, dodo head!" Burrows under covers and goes back to sleep.

Me: Look at this great yoga DVD! 

Inner Child Me: Throws self onto Couch and digs in heels. "I'm not moving and you can't make me. Nanner nanner nanner." Sticks out tongue. 

What is a person to do with an undisciplined naughty inner kid? Put it in time out? How would that work? Withhold an allowance? (Better not mention that one to John...). And we're not going to consider spanking. That would be just plain weird. I may have to consider bribery if all else fails. 

In the meantime, I'm going to have to settle for a stern warning. So listen up, you young stinker inner child: I have had enough, young lady. I will not tolerate any more shenanigans, Missy. Do you hear me? Don't make me stop this car! 

That ought to do it. 


Vicky said...

LOL too funny! I am giggling out loud and it's a good thing I am not in public view right now!

Dejected Artist said...

I have to let you know that this post of yours is what made it possible for me to finally quit smoking! Once I realized I just needed to gag and tie up my inner brat it was easy and I've been smoke free for 3 months now. Thank You!

Julia Oleinik said...

Wow - that ranks up there with one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me! But I have a favor - could YOUR inner brat come over sometime and tie up MY inner brat? She's still out of control.........