Monday, December 21, 2009

Holiday Blabbermouth

I'll never have to say someday, "I wish I would have said something...." because it seems that I've said it all. Frequently and obsessively. It would great if I could blame my blabbermouth tendencies on autoimmune disease, but even I know that would be placing unfair blame on my errant T-cells.

Example A? Well, duh - this blog. Oh, yay! I can blather endlessly into cyberspace!

Example B occurred last night.

Every year, John and I and Greg and Terese, and whichever of our kids that we can snag, pile into one vehicle and cruise around looking at local Christmas light displays. We roll down the car windows, loudly sing Christmas carols, and are ruthless in our critique of colors, light placement, and display techniques. You can bet that I join in on the singing and comments at the top of my lungs. This, however, doesn't qualify as being a blabbermouth because there was six other people with me who were flapping their gums equally vigorously as I was.

No, the blabbermouth incident happened last night as we pulled up to a very popular display. The entire front of the house and lawn was covered with various colored lights, but what made this house special, was that all the lights flashed and cascaded and blinked in time to music that could only be heard if you tuned your car radio to a specific station. How cool is that?

So we joined a large group of cars that parked curbside to enjoy the show. All the vehicle drivers had carefully parked their cars in places that would not obstruct the view of others. Until....

A large red minivan pulled up and parked squarely in front of the lights. We watched in disbelief as they put the car in park and well, just stayed there. In front of the show. Blocking everyone's view. For a very long time.

Some drivers blinked their lights at the van. One gave a small horn toot. But Mrs. Obnoxious Red Minivan was oblivious. Fa la la la la.......

Terese offered her daughter $100 if she would go over and tell Mrs. Obnoxious Red Minivan to get the hell out of the way. But daughter just ignored the offer. Song after song went by as we waited for MORV to either come to her senses or get tired of hogging the show, but she just sat there.

Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer. I found my feet walking across the street to approach the van. As I tapped on the driver side window, I could imagine the newspaper headlines the would follow if this discussion ended poorly.

Extra! Extra! Curbside brawl between two middle aged women ends in holiday jail time! Judge awards enormous damage fees to homeowner after illuminated Santa and penguins smashed onto hood of red minivan. Emergency medical services called to scene to remove Christmas light cords used in near strangulation. Responding police call for backup as other family members join the fray.

I could see myself celebrating Christmas in an orange jumpsuit behind bars.

I was deciding if I should throw the first punch as Mrs. Obnoxious Red Minivan rolled down her window. "Yes?" she asked.

Um, would you mind pulling your van ahead? The rest of us can't see the lights if you are parked there.

"Oh! So sorry!" she said as she hastily put her van in gear and pulled ahead.

I was strangely relieved yet disappointed. I look pretty good in orange.

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