Christine Molley has written an excellent and thought provoking post on her blog Thoughts and Ramblings on Life, Love, and Health. In it, she explores her experience that each of us with a chronic illness faces: that moment when one struggles with the difference between surrender and acceptance:
I am here to tell you that Sjögren's syndrome sucks. It is this pervasive and debilitating illness that NEVER gives you a day off. Every single morning I wake up knowing that at the age of 43, I am never going to have a day again where I am completely healthy. It will never go away. It will follow me every single moment of every single day until the day I die. And hopefully, that will be because of old age, and not because of Sjögren's complications.
That is not a negative attitude.
That is called acceptance. Continue reading here.Oh, Chris. I can so relate. I've been teetering between surrender and acceptance for years and I'm still not certain where I am. There's days when I feel completely at peace with the effects of my disease. But more often than not, I regularly make promises to myself such as these: After my next dose of rituximab, I'll...... or: After I'm recovered from my back surgery, I'll....... or: If I just could lose some weight I'll be able to..... or: If I could just get off prednisone for good...
With the insinuation that any of those things will bring me a cure. Pffffttt. Oh, brother.
I know better. How about you?