I'm pretty good at crossing my eyes. Especially when I'm cranky.
I cannot wait until my laminectomy.
I made that comment in a conversation a few days ago, and my friend laughed and said, "Oh, suuuuure you are.." rather skeptically.
No. Honestly. I really am!
She looked surprised. "Doesn't sound like much fun to me."
Well, yeah, surgery isn't going to be fun but neither is the pain and numbness and stumbling around which is why I'm having it.
Here's an example. I attempted to make a quick purchase in a craft store the other day. I knew approximately how much time and distance I could put in before the pain began and estimated that I could grab the stuff I needed and be back in the car without falling on my face. And it appeared that I planned correctly until I got to the check outs and saw the lengthy line of customers.
Drat. I didn't count on standing in line for an additional five minutes.
So as I stood there with my purse slung over my shoulder and my hands full of my purchases, I felt the pain begin in my hips and quickly progressed to burning numbness that stretched from my tailbone to my foot. Ow. After what seemed like forever, I was finally back in the car waiting for my leg and foot to wake up and the pain to subside, when a new and different thought occurred to me: that I should remember this incident and the pain. And how cranky I was. And how impatient I was just to have this all go away. That I should burn this memory indelibly into my brain.
Because when I am dealing with postoperative discomfort, I will need to remind myself why this surgery was necessary. The likelihood is high that I will complain frequently and at the top of my lungs (there's a warning for you, John honey..) that surgery was a really BAD IDEA. And that it's everyone else's fault that I literally have my butt in a sling.
Guys. I'm giving y'all an assignment. When I start writing about all the annoyances and aches and pains and wah-wah-wah-ing during my recovery, PLEASE remind me of this post. Tell me that there was a point in which I actually WANTED this. Be stern and firm: point out that I had proclaimed that surgery was my last option and that I would do anything -- anything at all -- in order to be able to walk more than one block before giving in to my stenosis symptoms. And that it was MY signature on those surgical consent forms.