Friday, November 22, 2013

Living With Fatigue: A Constant Learning Process

Creative Commons image found here. 

After our latest organize-everything-within-sight episode, John and I have accumulated a sizable stash of junk useful things that we felt would be appropriate to donate to a local charity. So last night, John loaded up everything into our SUV and my goal for today -- my only task for the day -- was to drive it over and let the volunteers unload it.

Simple. Yes?

No.

These escapades have depleted a fair share of my energy stores, and instead of gritting my teeth and just planting my big old hinder on the couch for a day of rest here and there, I just keep blundering on. So it should not have been a surprise to me this morning in preparation for heading out to the donation site after taking a shower, blow drying my hair, and getting dressed I would feel as though I should just crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head.

Which left me feeling not only exhausted before the day even began, but cranky as heck. I grumbled my way downstairs and looked longingly out the window at a rare beautiful sunny clear day. I thought it was a real shame that I should have to waste those wonderful blue skies away by snoring on the couch.

SOMEDAY, I thought. Someday I won't have to treat my body as if it were a very old broken down car with only fumes of gas left in the tank.

Snarl.

Ah, but then the cosmos or whatever it is that keeps this planet spinning intervened as I shuffled into the study and booted up my laptop. I had saved a quotation from Saint Catherine of Siena (1347 - 1380) on my desktop and inadvertently clicked on it. Here's what appeared:

All the way to heaven......is heaven.

Whoa. This was not only food for thought, it was a seven course MEAL for thought. I realized that I need to begin to search for my own earthly heaven while on energy-dictated house arrest. Was it possible that I could find a little piece of paradise in a rusted-out empty-tank model T body?

I guessed that I should try very hard to do just that.

St. Catherine. Girl. You are THE MAN. Wait...no....you are THE WOMAN.

You can read more about this inspirational and powerful woman here.

2 comments:

Shara Bingham Mills said...

If my grandmother was leaning over my computer reading this, she would be laughing her ass off. Look Shara! That's just like my first car! Thanks for the memory.

LM said...

Yep. I think we all ride the 'wave' and then pay dearly.

I'm a type-A, neatnik. I love organization, cleanliness, and order. So...this illness really throws me for a loop when I can't maintain things as I deem 'necessary'. The laundry sits in the dryer for 2 days and I keep fluffing it up. The clutter piles up on my counter and I'm too tired to deal with it. These are things that NEVER used to occur. I get disappointed with myself as I sit in my chair and stare at it all. My house is important to me, especially since I spend so much time in it (being too tired to go out).

I started cleaning bathroom cabinets and linen closets 2 weeks ago. I figured I could do them all in one day... and that is where I stopped. I finished, but that is all I did. I had it in my head that I'd get through ALL the closets in the house in two weeks and get rid of extra junk and be ready for the upcoming holidays. Here I am... back in the chair to stare at everything I want to do, but can't because I took it too far. My husband is unbelievably helpful, but I can't expect him to do it all. It isn't right.

I've been diagnosed for 2 years now, and you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.

I feel as if we've been asked to lessen so many parts of our lives as is...How do we learn to lower our standards?

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