Thursday, August 5, 2010

Nighty - Night or Not

Image found here

I have never been a morning person. Ever. Which isn't to say that I've never gotten up early - I spent years and years dragging my butt out of bed to arrive at work by 6:45 AM. I did it, but every single morning it took a herculean effort to make that first leap out from under the covers.

I used to dream of the day when I could just sleep until my body told me it was time to get up. To let my natural inner alarm clock decide when I should awake and begin my day. Well. Now that I've been given this opportunity, I've made a disappointing discovery: My body's alarm clock is busted. The transition from sleep to wakefulness will never be easy or pleasant for me. I'm just a lazybutt sleepyhead. Period. And it seems to be getting worse over the past several years.

John and the kids are morning people. They bounce out of bed bushy tailed and bright eyed. John sings in the shower. He bustles around in the morning after taking the time to make himself a substantial breakfast and a freshly brewed pot of coffee. I've spent my entire married life marveling at his ability to pop out of bed and hit the ground running, but lately I've become downright envious. I wonder what it would be like to drop off to sleep within seconds, and then spring up wide awake eight hours later?

I think my waking-up issues probably are due to my falling-asleep issues.

It seems as though my body's cycle of wakefulness and sleep has become skewed since the arrival of Sjogren's syndrome. I've noticed over the past several years that I need a bit more time to go through my bedtime routine, and once completed, it takes longer for me to fall asleep. I think that the eyedrop/mouth rinse/moisturizer everywhere/toothbrushing routine has become more complicated, and then there's those nights when my restless leg syndrome is problematic or joint aches and pains make even getting into bed a much lengthier process. But once beneath the blankies, I find myself needing to make a conscious effort to slow my thoughts, and will myself to sleep.

Such an odd sensation - so, so tired yet I feel as though my brain is still whirring along. It would be different if I were thinking about important things, but more often than not, I'm just playing and re-playing completely unimportant scenes and thoughts in my head.

Like a hamster running on it's little exercise wheel. I should buy some more milk wonder if the dogs are due for their flea treatments mmmmmm there's leftover chocolate cake downstairs I got a pretty high score playing Wii bowling last night oooh my foot itches a peanut butter sandwich would taste pretty good right now Mrs. Johnson was my seventh grade teacher I should have taken that package of chicken out of the freezer to thaw it's been forever since I took the dogs out to the doggie park....

And on and on and on and on.

How do I stop this thing? I want to get off!

2 comments:

RED said...

Julia---the only thing that helps me sleep (I suffer from neuropathy, like you do) is taking Neurontin,an anti-depressant and prednisone. With those, I sleep like a baby! Are you on any medication for your neuropathy/restless leg? It may help you to "conk" out.

annie said...

People with our types of diseases rarely experience deep sleep,which makes us constantly exhausted and sleepy. I, personally go through different phases. I either have a comatose type of sleep, where I don't even remember falling asleep, don't hear anything if anyone gets up during the night and then wake up naturally the next morning. This usually follows periods where if I fall asleep, I will wake up a few hours later and spend the rest of the night reading or tossing around. Many days when I fall asleep sitting up, as soon as I try to lie down, I'm wide awake, but so tired and sleepy....the tired but wired syndrome!

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